Help my Unbelief

At the risk of sounding negative, I am about to share my heart and some honesty in this post. Yes, I love the Lord. Yes, I have a wonderful husband. Yes, I have great kids. Yes, I have a great job. Yes, I am very thankful for everything God has done in my life. . . . . . Now comes the negative and honest part . . . . 2017 has been difficult. I’ve struggled with loneliness, jealousy, bitterness, discouragement, anger, doubt, and the list could go on but I will spare of you of many sins.

The highlight of 2017 was probably my mission trip to Nicaragua. I came back from that trip with such hope. I saw God work in amazing ways and I felt like He was leading in a couple of different areas. However neither of these things has worked out and it’s been very discouraging. It’s not that I didn’t get what I wanted, it’s that I thought God was leading me to do some things and opening some doors but the outcome has not been what I expected. Those doors seem to be closing. Maybe I just thought I heard His voice? Maybe I just thought I was doing what He wanted me to do? I guess coincides are not always a sign of God working.
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

In 2017, we’ve seen family and friends go through divorce. We attended a funeral for Mike’s stepdad. We lost a long-time friend to cancer. We’ve seen the consequences of loved ones (family and friends) who battle with drug or alcohol addiction. We’ve seen the pain of infertility and singleness as we keep praying. We’ve seen God work through these circumstances but we’ve also seen many prayers go unanswered.
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

It’s been two years since I’ve had all three of my kids together (and my daughter-in-laws). We won’t be together this year at Christmas and I don’t see us getting together anytime soon. It’s one of down sides of living in different states and it's difficult for this mother's heart. 
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

Through the years, we’ve been in some great churches and we’ve had some wonderful “church friends.” I think it’s just a lot harder to “fit in” when you don’t have young children or grandchildren. It’s been especially hard over the last few years to feel connected to the church body and to know where I belong.
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

My mother turned 83-years old this year. As our moms get older (and as we age also), we realize daily the importance of family. It’s very difficult to see them aging, to live by themselves, and to live 4 hours away.
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

Every year at this time, I look back and I see what God has done and I’m grateful. I found myself looking forward to the New Year with optimism and hope. This year is very different.
“Help my unbelief.” ~Mark 9:24

I don’t know if any of my Christmas wishes will come true but I do know that God works all things together for good for those who love him, and have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

He is sovereign over everything, including my circumstances.
            Psalm 115:3 – Our God is in heaven and does all that He pleases.

He is my help in times of trouble.
            Psalm 121:3 – My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and
earth.

My hope is in the Lord because without Him, I have no hope.
            Psalm 31:24 – Be strong and take heart, all who hope in the Lord.

I must wait on the Lord and not be discouraged. 
Psalm 27:14 – Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord.

I know He hears my prayers.
            Psalm 55:17 – Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and
he hears my voice.

I know He will fulfill His purpose for me.
Psalm 57:2 - I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his
purpose for me.

I know He is worthy of my praise and that’s all that really matters.
            Psalm 145:3 – Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his
greatness no one can fathom.

He can renew a steadfast spirit in me.
            Psalm 51:10 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast
spirit within me.

He can restore to me the joy of my salvation.
Psalm 51:12 – Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5-6




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